a guide for ohio noobs to get into the sport

I wrote this for a friend thinking of trying his hand at racing. Thought maybe it could be a little informative to those thinking of diving in. My first few races I was a mess with upside down numbers, grease on the legs, etc.

Welcome to the fabulous world of bike racing.

Chapter 1: What to wear

One must wear a helmet. Said helmet will need to be affixed accordingly, not tilted up like a dork.
One must attach racing number upright and pinned with no less than 8 safety pins. If its flapping around you look like a goober.
One must wear a jersey and shorts that don't show the entire peloton ones bum. Replica jerseys unlike the acceptability in nearly almost every ball sport is the most uncoolest thing ever.

Chapter 2: Bike
Make sure your tires are aired up to proper pressure.
Make sure your chain is clean so you don't get rookie rings, cat 5 tattoos, etc. (black rings on your calves) - so not cool.
Its not about the bike.

Chapter 3: How well will I stack up?
Probably crappy.
But you'll never know until you try. You will be racing with Freddie McFrederson on his Scattante with 2 dork discs and a horn, Jimmy CantHoldhislineson, Triathlete Tom, and future cat 1er Peter PerfectPants.
In other words, a wide range of athletes will be out there.
So, if you are thinking you are a Peter more than a Jimmy, I would suggest you stay towards the front, as is often heard when looking for 'racing 101' info. On the other hand, if this is your very first race, and you haven't done a lot of pacelines, and group rides,
you are probably safer to the group if you are at the back. Besides you'll get the best draft.

Chapter 4:So.... lets race!
Right. But first you need to know how to do it.
If you are doing your first race you will buy a 1 day license when you register at the cost of $10
Registration for bike races is around $25-40. This helps pay for the cops to control intersections, the cost of setting the race up, and paying the prize money for the fast guys.

Go to ohiocyling.org, usacyling.org, or any of the local team websites to get more information on races.